Best Man Speech Jokes

Posted on 28th May 2012 in Best Man Speeches


The Best Man Giving a Wedding Speech with lots of Best Man Speech Jokes IncludedWhether you’ll like it or not, as a best man, you’ll need to be funny during your speech. How people will remember you will be based mostly on how entertaining you are as the wedding’s best man. Your main purpose in the wedding is to add zest (and jest) to the occasion, so make sure to pack your speech with a lot of witty one-liners and entertaining quips!

A few reminders, though: first you need to know that it’s not at all difficult to make your audience laugh, as long as you prepare a couple of funny anecdotes. It doesn’t have to be original all the time, as long as you deliver it properly. Next, the best jokes are those that come straight from your heart, such as a funny real story about the groom or the bride. Also, remember to always do the “character assassination” bit to the groom. This will lead up to the bit where you’ll profusely compliment the bride and how lucky the groom is for having married such a woman.

Complete guide on what to include in your best man speech

Basically, there are three topics you can draw inspiration from when making best man speech jokes. First you can make jokes about weddings and the nature of marriage. Another topic can be reminiscing your friendship with either the bride or the groom, retelling how you met, or other funny experiences with them. A toast is always an important part in best man speeches, and there are lots of humorous lines you can interject on that bit as well. Don’t worry though, as I’m going to list all sample best man speech jokes below!


Best Man Speech Jokes About Marriage

At some point in the speech you are obligated to give some humorous yet insightful advice about marriage and being a husband or a wife. You can use a couple of these jokes or even create one

  • I know that as Best Man I will be expected to say something sentimental and insightful regarding the touchy topic of marriage. Well, as I know I am not the authority in marriages and I certainly am not capable of doing this, I’ll use an analogy that maybe many of us can understand… (Pause) Football. See, marriages should be like supporting a football team: sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but always exciting for about an hour and a half on Saturday!
  • I suppose it is true what they say all men are born free and equal – but that only holds until they get married.
  • Andrea, in many ways a husband is like a tiled floor – lay it right the first time, and you can spend years walking all over it.
  • John, if Mary doesn’t treat you as she should – be thankful.
  • Be warned, Nathan and Danielle – a wise man once told me that love is a long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
  • Anthony, you shouldn’t have any problems so long as you remember this: whenever you’re wrong, admit it; and, whenever you’re right, just shut up.
  • Paul, in times of trouble, remember these helpful words from Oscar Wilde: women are meant to be loved, not understood.

    Best Man Speech Jokes – Sample Stories

    Here is a compilation of hilarious friendship stories by the best man and the groom that have been presented in weddings to sheer laughter. If you ever plan to include an anecdote in your best man speech, get some ideas here first on how to structure your story:

    • My relationship with Sonny is really very civilized. Ever since we met we have never fought over anything as our many disagreements haven’t been worth fighting over.
    • As Ronald grew up, the differences between us became very clear. We were doing and liking the opposite things. I supported the Lakers, he supported the Celtics. I liked blondes, he likes brunettes. I paid my taxes … anyway, you get the picture.
    • Randy and I grew up in the same road, and as kids we were always playing cowboys, and as you know everyone’s porch on the street had a different function from the rest. Mine was the bank and, tellingly, I now work for the bank. And yes, that’s right – Randy’s porch was the saloon.
    • I think it’s fair to say that Simon and I became close because we were mutually lazy. Both of us thought that the perfect weekend consisted of sitting in front of the TV watching a game with a crate of Stella and a pizza. The thought of spending hours getting dressed up just so we can go and meet a few mates seems like a complete waste of time. So we hope you all appreciate the effort we’ve gone to today.

      Best Man Jokes About the Bride

      After you’re done completely ribbing and doing the routine “character assassination” skit on the groom, it’ll be the right time to compliment the bride, although you can still do it in jest. Here are some witty quips you can use to praise the bride’s beauty for the wedding:

      • Bob, congratulations on your wedding. You clearly have wonderful taste for choosing such a beautiful wife. And Anna, I congratulate you more on saying “I do” to Bob, because I know it must have been very hard.
      • Caitlyn is an amazing woman. She is strong as well as intelligent and engaging. If anyone had told me Michael would find a woman who loves gourmet cooking, travelling to exotic places and debating the merits of the Arsenal back four as much as him, I wouldn’t have believed them. Yet here she is. You two are going to have quite a life together.
      • If you know Paul, then you know this day means a great deal to him, even more than his Robbie Fowler signed football. Which says something. Paul’s football may be valuable, but nothing is more priceless to him than his relationship with Linda. She is that rare jewel he searched for all of his life.

        Best Man Jokes – The Toast

        The last part of your speech will be a toast to celebrate their marriage and to wish the couple the best in all their endeavors. Who says you can say such hilarious yet appropriate things during this bit? Here are some one-liners you can draw inspiration from:

        • There are obviously two very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible. And the great thing is that as the evening progresses, most of us will get to spend more and more time talking with them. So please join me in a very special toast – to the bar staff!
        • To the happy couple, may their happiness be complete, their marriage long and prosperous and every wedding speech they hear be funnier and shorter than mine. To Philip and Maddie.
        • I’ve rambled on long enough and there’s more celebration and dancing to do. Using a little poetic license, I will combine two of the most famous phrases of both Star Trek and Star Wars to toast the newlyweds: “Sam and Deborah, we wish you peace and long life, and hope that you live long and prosper – and may the Force be with you both, forever.”

          Additional Best Man Speech Jokes

          Book Cover for a Best Man Speech Jokes ebookIf you feel like these jokes and quips aren’t enough to keep you afloat in spieling your speech out, or if you think it’s more of a “public speaking” problem than a lack of speech material, then I suggest you go visit the link below for more tips and resources:

          Complete Wedding Speech Writing Guide

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